Signs of Gaslighting by Friends and Close Ones: How It Makes You Feel and What You Can Do About It

Have you ever found yourself questioning your own reality after interactions with certain people in your life? You might feel like you’re going crazy, constantly doubting your memory, perceptions, and even your sanity. Well, my friend, you might be experiencing gaslighting. Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic that can wreak havoc on your mental well-being, and it often happens within friendships and close relationships. In this blog, we’re going to dive deep into the signs of gaslighting, how it makes you feel, why people engage in this behaviour, and most importantly, what actions you can take to protect yourself.

Understanding Gaslighting: What’s It All About?

So, what exactly is gaslighting? Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where someone tries to make you doubt your own reality. They’ll use a variety of tactics to achieve this, such as denying events or experiences that you clearly remember, manipulating facts and reality, and even undermining your self-esteem. Gaslighting gets its name from an old play and subsequent movie called “Gaslight,” where a husband dims the gaslights in their home and then denies any change, making his wife question her sanity.

 

The Sneaky Signs of Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a subtle and insidious behaviour that can be difficult to detect, especially when it’s coming from someone close to you. But fear not, my friend! By being aware of the signs, you can protect yourself. Let’s take a look at some common signs of gaslighting:

1. Denial and Discrediting: The gaslighter will deny things they have said or done, making you doubt your own perception of reality. For example, you may remember a conversation where they made a hurtful remark, but they insist it never happened.
2. Manipulation of Facts and Reality: Gaslighters are masters at distorting information. They’ll selectively share or hide details, create elaborate stories, or twist the truth to confuse and control you. It’s like they’re rewriting history right in front of your eyes!
3. Undermining Your Confidence: Gaslighters love to chip away at your self-esteem. They’ll constantly criticize you, belittle your accomplishments, or make you question your abilities and worth. It’s a cruel game that leaves you feeling small and powerless.
4. Blaming and Shifting Responsibility: Instead of owning up to their mistakes, gaslighters will deflect blame onto you or others. They’ll make you feel guilty or responsible for their actions, further eroding your sense of self.
5. Isolating You: Gaslighters don’t like competition. They’ll discourage or undermine your relationships with family and friends, making you more dependent on them for validation and support. They want to be your one and only source of influence.
6. Instilling Self-Doubt: Gaslighters are experts at making you doubt yourself. They’ll challenge your judgment, memory, or perception of events, leaving you second-guessing everything.

The Emotional Rollercoaster: How Gaslighting Makes You Feel

Gaslighting is not just an intellectual battle; it’s an emotional one too. The effects of gaslighting can be devastating, and here are some common emotions you may experience:

• Anxiety and Depression: Constantly questioning your reality and dealing with the manipulation can lead to increased levels of anxiety and depression. It’s like living in a constant state of uncertainty and unease.
• Loss of Self-Confidence: Gaslighters thrive on eroding your self-esteem. Their constant criticism and belittlement can leave you feeling insecure, doubting your abilities, and questioning your worth.
• Feelings of Helplessness and Powerlessness: Gaslighting can make you feel trapped and powerless. You may start to doubt your ability to make decisions or trust your own judgment, leaving you at the mercy of the gaslighter.
• Self-Doubt and Insecurity: Gaslighters want you to rely on them for validation, so they’ll make sure you doubt yourself. You’ll find yourself constantly questioning your own thoughts, feelings, and actions, wondering if you’re just overreacting or imagining things.
• Emotional Rollercoaster: Dealing with gaslighting is like riding a never-ending emotional rollercoaster. One moment you feel angry and betrayed, the next you’re doubting yourself, and then you’re desperate for some sense of stability. It’s an exhausting ride that can leave you emotionally drained.

Why Do People Gaslight? Understanding the Motivations

Gaslighting is not a behavior that arises out of thin air. There are underlying motivations that drive people to engage in this toxic behavior. Let’s explore some of these motivations:

1. Power and Control: Gaslighting is often rooted in a desire for power and control over you. By making you doubt your reality, the gaslighter can manipulate and dominate you, keeping you under their thumb.
2. Insecurity and Jealousy: Gaslighters may feel threatened by your strengths, achievements, or independence. They use gaslighting as a means to diminish you and make themselves feel superior. It’s like they’re trying to extinguish your light to make theirs shine brighter.
3. Projection of Their Own Issues: Sometimes, gaslighters project their own insecurities, guilt, or shame onto you. They use gaslighting as a defense mechanism to avoid confronting their own flaws and shortcomings. It’s a way for them to deflect attention away from themselves.
4. Avoiding Responsibility and Accountability: Gaslighters are masters of avoiding responsibility. They’ll use gaslighting as a way to shift blame onto you or others, deflecting any consequences for their actions. It’s a cowardly move to escape accountability.

Taking Action Against Gaslighting: Reclaiming Your Power

Now that you’re armed with knowledge about gaslighting and its impact, it’s time to take action and protect yourself. Here are some steps you can take to reclaim your power:

1. Recognise and Validate Your Experience: Trust your gut and acknowledge that what you’re experiencing is real. Seek validation from trusted individuals who can offer an outside perspective and confirm that you’re not going crazy.
2. Seek Support from Trusted Individuals: Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist who can provide support, empathy, and guidance. Surround yourself with a strong support network that believes in you and your experiences.
3. Set and Enforce Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with the gaslighter. Communicate your limits and expectations, and be firm in enforcing them. Remember, you have the right to protect your well-being.
4. Practice Self-Care and Self-Validation: Engage in activities that nurture your well-being and self-worth. Practice self-compassion, remind yourself of your strengths, and celebrate your accomplishments. Build your inner resilience.
5. Consider Professional Help: If the gaslighting continues or escalates, seeking professional help from a therapist or counselour can provide you with valuable tools and strategies to navigate the situation. A trained professional can guide you through the healing process and help you regain your sense of self.

Conclusion: Reclaiming Your Reality and Well-Being

Gaslighting is a destructive behaviour that can cause immense harm to your mental and emotional well-being. By recognising the signs, understanding the emotional impact, and taking action, you can reclaim your reality and protect yourself from further manipulation. Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect, kindness, and validation in all your relationships. Trust yourself and surround yourself with those who uplift and empower you.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

1. What is the difference between gaslighting and healthy disagreement?
   Gaslighting involves intentional manipulation and distortion of reality, while healthy disagreement promotes respectful communication and open dialogue to address differences of opinion.
2. Can gaslighting be unintentional?
   Gaslighting is typically an intentional behaviour, as it involves a deliberate effort to undermine someone’s perception of reality. However, some individuals may exhibit gaslighting behaviours without fully realising the impact of their actions.
3. Is it possible to rebuild trust after being gaslighted?
   Rebuilding trust after gaslighting can be challenging and requires the gaslighter to acknowledge their behaviour and make significant changes. It may involve therapy, open communication, and consistent actions over time.
4. How can I confront a gaslighter without escalating the situation?
   Confronting a gaslighter can be tricky, as they may respond defensively or escalate the situation. Seek support from trusted individuals, plan your conversation in advance, and focus on expressing your feelings and setting boundaries calmly and assertively.
5. Are there any legal actions one can take against gaslighting?
   Legal actions against gaslighting may vary depending on the specific circumstances and jurisdiction. If you believe you are experiencing gaslighting in the workplace or a legally binding relationship, it is advisable to consult with an attorney to explore your options.

Disclaimer - The views expressed herein do not constitute mental health advice, diagnosis or treatment and should not be used as a substitute for professional counseling regarding abusive or manipulative relationships.